Commitment Issues? And other random thoughts about why I quit my new job.

I think I’ve found myself in my upper twenties, (ouch that hurts to even type!), with a minor to crazy severe case of commitment-phobia. The thought of anything tying me down in any way is…well…literally starting to give me panic attacks.

I was one of those girls who was sure of it that I would be married by 20, kids by 22, happily ever after in fairy tale land. Little did I know I’d be single at 28, no kids, no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Hello God, thanks for the smack upside the head reminder that I am not the one in charge down here!

Now, I am the first to say that I’ve had amazing opportunities in all areas of life. That’s not bragging, that’s just a fact Jack! I’ve dated amazing men, I’ve had jobs that have blessed me beyond measure, and I’ve experienced things that I will never feel worthy of experiencing. I am living a WONDERFUL life. But, unfortunately, we only get one of those life cards here. (Cats totally take the cake on that deal!)

I’m having such an amazing journey. Why would I stop being a free spirit and join the rat race?? I don’t want a 9-5 where you live to work rather than work to simply live. I want to pack up my bags and get out of town. I want to get lost in random parts of the world. I want to read a lot. I want to write a lot. I want to meet new people in new cultures. I want to try their foods, walk in their shoes, meet their families. I want to live big and I just can’t seem satisfied to settle.

Sure, a house in the suburbs with a cute little husband and kids with big bows on their heads and tiny sneakers on their feet sounds great. I used to count down the days until that was my life. But once things didn’t pan out how I planned out….I started really living. No agenda. No game plan. Just take life day by day, whatever I feel, whatever sounds good.

On my last journey, I spent a lot of time with myself. Thinking. Journaling. Praying. QUESTIONING. And I always found myself thinking of loved ones I’ve lost or crazy tragedies that swooped down on my life and almost took those I love. And I always thought of things they wanted to do, things they could have accomplished, things they talked about only dreaming of. So to that I bid adieu to what society expects of my life. Who is to say that anyone’s schedule or agenda is more “right” than my own? So what. I quit my job. Again. Commitment issues? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just onto bigger and better dreams.